UFOs (and Earth as a no-fly zone)

This morning, my husband and I were having one of our complex discussions about life and naturally the topic turned from square watermelons to life on other planets. (This is how a conversation typically goes when a Sagittarius marries an Aquarius). At any rate, I thought I would share it with you (purely for entertainment value). Our discussion went something like this:

Me: (reading a MUFON newsletter on my phone) Hmmm. Google Photo-shopped out an image of a UFO over the Cape of Good Hope. Hey, I think Sandy is from there!

Sam: That doesn’t surprise me… The Photoshop cover-up, not Sandy. I like her accent.

Me: She’s super nice too…Hey, we should totally visit Africa one day. Maybe we could go on safari.

Sam: No way, I’m not going on safari. Do you know how many people get eaten by lions on safari?!

Me: (rolls eyes) The answer is none… No people get eaten by lions when they’re on safari. Anyway, about the photo-shopped UFO, I don’t think Google should participate in a cover-up. They’re motto is “Don’t be evil” and photo-shopping a UFO out would be hiding the truth, which is probably evil.

Sam: Well, humans are an evil race…

Me: (sighs) Yes, that’s probably why aliens don’t visit. I bet they think of us like we think of one of those remote tribes in the rain forests of Brazil.

Sam: Peru…

Me: What?

Sam: The lost tribes…they live in Peru, mostly. And they’re called the Uncontacted, not the Lost.

Me: How do you know that?

Sam: I saw it on one of my shows. (My husband loves any and all shows on the History and Discovery channels)

Me: Huh… Well, then they probably view Earth as we view the uncontacted tribes of Peru. They’re probably up there in their spaceships saying, “Don’t do any fly-bys, guys. This race is just too primitive to handle us. We’ll just upset them.”

Sam: (Mimicking Jack Nicholson) “They can’t handle the truth!”

Me: Ha! They probably have special meetings discussing the best way to approach us and finally throw up their hands in frustration. (Mimicking an alien board meeting)

“It’s going to take at least another millennia before they advance enough for us to visit! For God’s sake, they’re still killing each other with nuclear weapons and some are still even using sticks! They’ve practically destroyed their environment and they have no type of unified leadership. Each tribal leader feels they are the most powerful and … well, we just to wait at least another thousand years before we throw this at them. If they see us, it will just send them into a complete panic and who knows where that will end up.”

I’ll bet Earth is just a giant no-fly zone so they don’t upset us. But if that’s true, how do we keep getting them on camera? I mean, I can see Google Earth getting them on camera, but how do we do it?

Sam: The committee members kids probably take their dad’s ships out for a fly-by with their alien friends. I wonder how you would punish an alien kid?

Me: They probably get grounded…

<collective groan>